I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
