Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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