Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
