dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
