right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
we're so committed to being not committed
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