How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
