I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
