i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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