I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
