i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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