Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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