You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
