My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
