Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
