Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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