I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
