haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
