I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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