When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
