worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
