I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
