after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
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