roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
