So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
