i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
either way he was missing a nipple.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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