youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
