**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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