The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
