Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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