i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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