The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I deserve this hangover.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
