You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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