why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
