when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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