If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
