Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
