epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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