just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
