I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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