can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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