help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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