yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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