sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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