you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is it because I queefed?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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