im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
