well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
