She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
