i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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