I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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