what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
