I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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