I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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