They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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