remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
