I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
cat food counts as protein by the way
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
