you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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