haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
