Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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