My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
